If you are into something other than what the mainstream herd are into, or have established as “acceptable”, then chances are you’re going to get a lot of questions.  Some people are asking because they are just curious and have never heard or considered it before, some actually want to understand it and others, well… They just want to poke holes in your explanation or life choices because their narrow minds can’t cope with the concept of there being multiple perspectives that can all be right!

We all know that swinging is still not mainstream acceptable, and we’re ok with that.  Some of us like the shock factor or having our own secret life (well maybe you do, mine isn’t so secret!)  Whatever the reason we chose this path, we’re choosing what’s right for us and if we’re honest about it with others, there will always be questions.

Here are the top questions and conversations that I end up in the most.  I honestly don’t mind talking about it all, but then duh, that’s my job.  But for other people, I certainly know they are sick of the same old questions and having to explain themselves.  Maybe you can relate.

Aren’t you afraid they’ll fall in love with someone else and leave you?

This generally stems from their own insecurity colouring their perception of the world, so yes, this is one their own fears they are projecting onto you.  They can’t fathom the idea that they could share their partner and they definitely don’t want to gamble for fear they will lose what they have to someone who is more beautiful, sexier and more talented in bed.  Us swingers already know the power of giving our partners the freedom to be themselves and to explore sexually.  Besides, we’ve already worked out how f#@king hot it is to watch our partner with someone else and the gratitude they feel for us in giving them that experience only bonds us further.  Yes, we get it!

Aren’t you afraid of STIs?

About as much as I’m afraid of getting hit by a bus when I walk across the street but I know what to do to minimise the risk (you know, look both ways and such).  The media and medical establishment have done their best to scare people into protection or abstinence (it was probably the latter) so while we know to use condoms, hygiene, to get regular testing (and treatment if necessary) and watch out for potential signs of risk with partners, we still know we want to dare to cross that road after looking both ways because all the fun is there! The media and fuss has done its magic in these cases, they are too afraid to try something that *might* increase the risk of contracting an STD and that’s ok for them to choose that.  Me and you, clearly, we want to experience EVERYTHINIG life has to offer which includes as many options in the domain of sex!  Right?

What about your children?  What are you teaching them by being so… easy?

Ahhh, this questions and the variations I get from concerned parents who think I’m parading our human toys around the house in front of our little ones and exposing them to live porn shows… Really?  *sigh* They really have no clue because they’ve only seen the overly dramatized version of swinging on TV, so therefore they are highly uneducated, and likely a bit prudish themselves.  Hats off to them for being concerned for the welfare of our children, that’s beautiful, but these people are coming from an uneducated perspective so this is an opportunity to educate them.  They may or may not want to hear what you have to say about it though, so if they put their fingers in their ears and start yelling “la la la la la” then that’s your cue to stop.

The reason these questions get asked repeatedly is because we dare to share our story with those who are outside the swinging lifestyle.   Here’s the thing though, if you are willing to spend time with them, you can often help them get to a place of understanding, more acceptance and less judgment.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been in long conversations where I’ve answered these questions and more, including from people who are devout Christians with some very big judgments about it, only to have them walk away from the discussion saying “thank you!”.

Some will have less judgment and be more accepting (always a good thing have more of those people in the world) and some it will spark an interest in exploring it for themselves, increasing the amount of potential playmates in the mix.  Also a good thing!

So kudos to those who speak openly about it all and persevere with the sometimes monotonous questioning, the swinging lifestyle needs more of you.

Adult Match Maker  has 2.5 million registered members with 25 thousand people logging in each day, making it a great prospect for meeting like-minded people. They also have one of the largest groups of couples on any adult dating website in Australia. There are a wide range of members with tastes, outside of the typical dating website fit. From the looks of things – according to Adult Match Maker’s advanced search tool – you would be hard pressed to find a town across Australia and New Zealand without a wide range of members to choose from.

Adult Match Maker  is free to join but there are also plenty of options available within their paid membership to really make the most of the adult dating community they have created.  There are 3 tiered membership levels – Silver, Gold & Platinum. Each level opens up a range of features that allow a member to communicate with others on the website – through messages, winks, access to member galleries and chat rooms. We love the fact that they have a free webcam chat room every evening  –  definitely a good way to actually see who you are chatting to as well as get a feel for their personality before you hook up.

For the sugar daddies, mummies & couples – or people who are happy to pay for other members to contact them – a Postage Paid account allows other members, regardless of their type of membership, to send messages to them for free. We imagine this type of account really opens up opportunities for members seeking casual encounters.

Other features that we really like are their profile verification and membership validation features. From early on, Adult Match Maker  listened to member feedback and a key concern among responses was authenticity of member profiles. Their commitment to genuine profiles means that there are numerous features that ensure their membership base is authentic and accessible.  To verify a profile, it’s really as simple as taking a picture of yourself with a the verification code and sending it through to their support staff to confirm the profile. We imagine that there are many members who would prefer only to reach out to members who have verified profiles, so this makes great sense!

The member validation feature is particularly useful for those in the swinging scene as it allows members who have met each other to confirm that they actually exist – sweet! They can add a brief message about an interaction they have had with a couple and voilà, one of the best personal testimonial features we’ve seen and a great way of knowing what to expect from a rendezvous.

Adult Match Maker  also has Australia’s largest events listings across the swingers and adult dating spectrum. Informative articles from their range of sexologists give you the latest goss about each of the scenes as well as how to make the most of your time on the website. They even have a travel section that features the go-to holiday destinations that are popular in the scene.

So what are you waiting for? If you are new to the swinging scene, an account with Adult Match Maker  is going to make the whole process a lot easier to navigate. It’s free to sign up, and with 35,000 members logging in each day, you’ll be swinging in no time.

WEBSITE

adultmatchmaker.com.au

As told to: Rachel Kramer Bussel –  Elle

Last spring my husband and I were looking for an adults-only vacation to celebrate our tenth anniversary. I came across a “clothing optional lifestyle takeover cruise.” The materials talked about dance parties, clothing-optional areas, and playrooms, including a dungeon. We assumed “lifestyle” meant BDSM. It was only after we’d booked the trip that we realized it meant swingers.

Leading up to the cruise, though, we got to know some of the other couples online and began to change our minds. It started with talk of me being interested in playing with other women and evolved into “Let’s just go for it and enjoy all this cruise has to offer.”

We really didn’t know what to expect when we got there, and were definitely surprised. Some people were completely nude, some just topless, some in tiny outfits, and some fully clothed. We kept our swimsuits on. No one seemed to mind, or even notice, what anyone else was or wasn’t wearing.

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]]> https://www.swingers.com.au/clothing-optional-cruise/feed/ 0 https://www.swingers.com.au/benefits-unicorn-lifestyle/ https://www.swingers.com.au/benefits-unicorn-lifestyle/#respond Thu, 31 Mar 2016 04:52:06 +0000 https://www.swingers.com.au/?p=6953 About the Author – Chantelle Austin
Chantelle Austin is the pseudonym for relationship designer and lifestyle expert Rach. She is often seen in the media speaking openly about her swinging relationship and she wrote The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples.

I tell you what; the women in the lifestyle are generally in the best position to get what they want and single women even more so! By the way, we call them “unicorns” because they are almost mythical creatures and they are very much in demand!

When you go onto any dating oriented website, the ratio of males to females is almost astronomical. The ladies really do get to pick and choose. Couples are close behind and the poor single guys have to prove they are better than their competition just to get a look in (that’s a whole other article). But it’s the single gals that really can get a lot from their swinging playmates and the lifestyle in general, so to the curious single gals out there, this article is for you.

I may have an ulterior motive on this one but meh, I can write what I want!

I get a lot of Requests From Couples for Single Women.

They want to try a threesome, the female of the couple is generally bi/bi-curious, and most women I know have tried it or continue to enjoy it. So they are looking for that special someone who wants no-strings-attached play dates with at least a woman (in most cases) and potentially a man too.

Couples find it harder, at times, to find another couple where they are both attracted to the other two. Often there is only one person that a partner is attracted to, so it takes more time to find the right people. For that reason, a single lady is ideal (and it’s not always about the girl on girl action).

Swingers are a Girl’s Best Friend!

Being a single lady in the scene means that you often get free entry into couples events (that sometimes cost couples over $100 to attend), invitations to come back repeatedly, referrals to other clubs/events/couples (as a playmate) and single ladies get to pick and choose who they play with. You could quite easily fill your phone contacts with couples you can call on to enjoy a night of no-strings-attached raunchiness.

The swinging scene is a playground that creates quite a safe space (no pressure environments and with the right people), for women to explore their sexuality, and to explore what sex has to offer with it’s various positions, a multitude of playmates who all have different skills and techniques, and a bunch of sexy people on the menu. I have personally learned more about how my body works, and discovered new ways to enjoy sex by being in the lifestyle. Oh and have met some very sexy people along the way!

If you Your Intention is Purely Physical & to Have fun, Then Couples are Looking for you.

The majority of couples have a very solid relationship so as long as your intention is purely physical; to have fun and then move on eventually, whether that’s after the first time or years from now, then couples are looking for you (no, really, they are… and lots of them!) For the same reason, they are safe to enjoy that physical fun with if you aren’t ready to settle down because they are already very happy in their relationship.

The best part is that couples generally treat their playmates with respect and are keen to have a single female join them on a regular basis; they will do their best to impress and take care of you. Some fantastic friendships with benefits have started this way… Sometimes couples even have a beloved single man in their friendship circle and cupid gets a look in. You just never know when you’re going to meet a special someone!

Play Safe, Have fun – go Home With a Smile on Your Face.

The majority of people in the lifestyle are committed to playing safe, and many couples have children so they are not likely to engage in unsafe sex. Many also get regularly tested and treated if anything shows up. It’s very important to the couples in the scene to be disease free and hygienic. Word can get around about who to avoid just as easily as about who to enjoy. For single women who want to play as safe as possible, the swinging couples are at the top of the list!

So if you are a woman who really enjoys sex, is open-minded, isn’t intentionally looking to settle down into a relationship, is curious or exploring sexuality, likes meeting new people and sometimes just wants some one-night stands without having to pick up some random in a pub/club, you may be the mythical unicorn in the room!

Released today is an exciting new novel by swinging lifestyle guru and best selling novelist, Cooper S. Beckett. Known for his best selling memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging and Polyamory and host of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast, we are super excited to get stuck into his brand new novel, which takes us back to the beginning about being a newbie in the swinging lifestyle.

We all come to a point in our lives where we finally ask the ever-looming question, “Is this all there is?” And most of us coast along afterwards, just accepting that the answer to that question is probably, “Yes, this is it.” Sometimes, though, we’re lucky. Sometimes we run into the right people at the right time.

Cooper S. Beckett teaches, titillates, and bares his soul, showing how a life less monogamous can keep sex between couples flourishing.

Ryan and Jennifer are at that point in their marriage, asking that question. Luckily, tonight at a friend’s holiday party, they’re about to run into those very right people at exactly the right time. Bruce and Paige have successfully crossed the Rubicon into the realm of “what else there is.” They’ve discovered delights and a way of living that Ryan and Jennifer have only ever dreamed about.

Their secret? Bruce and Paige are swingers. And very soon now, thanks to a chance meeting and a new friendship, Ryan and Jennifer will close their eyes, clasp hands, and jump into the deep end of life, exploring the untold wonders of sexuality. Hedonistic pleasures that they can’t even fathom yet, threesomes and sex parties and a deep connection with friends and with each other. The swinging lifestyle.

Today is the day they proclaim: “There is more.” Today is the day they change their lives. 

Read a review and extract of the book over on the AMM blog page.

Purchase Cooper S. Beckett’s novel here.